Poptarts, the wonderful, portable pie!

One word, Poptarts. My kids love them for breakfast, heck, I do too, but they are basically a portable science experiment when it comes to the ingredients. Have you read that panel? I dare you to tell me what those ingredients do and why in the heck they are in there. Also, when something has that long of a shelf life without being canned, jarred, or frozen (unless it's honey), you know it probably shouldn't be consumed at all.

"Christy, why are we talking about poptarts!? Now you have made me hungry for this evil chemical experience that sends lovely dopamine through my brain and makes me smile."

Homemade Poptarts. Yup, I make them homemade and I am willing to share the wonderfulness with you. Now, remember, since they will be homemade they will need to be refrigerated. They also will taste slightly different, more like portable pie then the Poptarts that you know and love. I know, what a disappointment.

Can you make pie crust? Can you make pie filling? If you said yes, you are good. If you said, "Um, I don't know..." I will show you! :)

One of my favorite blogs is "The Gracious Pantry". I used four of her recipes to make these lovely things. So if they taste good, let her know. Number 1, make her pie crust recipe:  Clean Eating Pie Crust. It's not hard at all, mix the stuff together and YAY! Pie crust.

Next, make one of these pie fillings: Clean Eating Apple Pie or Clean Eating Blueberry Pie or Clean Eating Cherry Pie.

I know, I gave you a lot of choices...JUST PICK ONE! You can even add some raspberries to the blueberry recipe for "Wildberry Poptarts." Ok, did you choose ONE? Did you make it and still have the lovely, beautiful pie crust dough. Take that splendid pie filling you just made and puree it in a blender or food processor. Add  some cornstarch or another type of thickening agent if it seems to runny.

Now starts the fun stuff! Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Roll out that awesome pie dough between two sheets of parchment paper and make sure you keep flipping it over and get the wrinkles out of the parchment paper. Roll the dough out pretty thin, maybe 1/4 of an inch or so. Cut large enough rectangles so that if you fold them in half, filling will fit between them and leave room for crimping the edges. 

 See that lovely geometry project you just did. Your old algebra teacher would be proud. Anyway, now grab some of that yummy fruity filling of awesomeness and spoon some into one side of your personal pie rectangles. It doesn't take much, maybe 2 or 3 tablespoons. Don't eat the filling now! And stop eating the dough...STOP IT! We need to make Poptarts remember? Now take some water and wipe in along the edges of the 4 sided treat to act as glue. Fold the rectangle in half so it covers the filling and crimp the open eges of that baby like 80's and 90's hair with a fork.

Are you angry? Stab that raw poptart with a fork like it's your job! AHHHH! Get that anger out! Feeling better? Good! In about a half hour you'll be feeling even better eating this loveliness. Place these uncooked rectangles of portable pie glory on a cookie sheet, you can even keep them on the parchment paper. If you don't use parchment paper make sure you grease the cookie sheet with non-stick spray. This is where we come to a crossroads.

You can now glaze them with an egg wash or honey or leave them plain. Once you have decided what to do, pop them in the oven at 350 degrees for about 15 to 17 minutes. After you hear that timer go off and pull them out, don't worry if they leaked a bit, stuff happens. They should smell wonderful. 

Do you like cream cheese frosting? I like cream cheese frosting. This how I make some. Take some reduced fat cheese cheese and stick it in a food processor, blender, or use and electric mixer. Add some lemon juice and sweetener of your choice. Truvia, Honey, Stevia, whatever works best for you. Mix it up. Add the lemon juice and sweetener little by little and get it to the right place for your taste buds. Spoon your homemade icing on top of these wonder things. 

I know, they don't look very pretty right now, but trust me, they will taste like a country pie explosion in your mouth. HEY! Don't leave that icing hangin', spread it out so it covers the top of your Poptarts. SUCCESS! You have poptarts!

 

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